Hidden Beliefs

Hello again,

I want to talk to you today about our beliefs, the undercover beliefs that impact our perception, our thoughts and our actions.

These can be sneaky beliefs, beliefs that we think we have overcome or outgrown, that we have moved past or that simply don’t exist. However, that is not always the case and I know this because this has happened to me before.

I had a set of beliefs that I allowed to drive my actions and thoughts for what I honestly thought was a really good reason.

You see when my daughter was born I suffered from postnatal depression and during that time my daughters father was going through his own stuff. He may have been physically present, he was absent in many other ways not only with my daughter but also with me. Our relationship disintegrated and ended quite brutally.

Now you may be thinking what does this have to do with anything? Well I’ll tell you – due to my experiences with that man I formed a whole bunch of beliefs, some of them I was well aware of and some were not so obvious. I had vowed to myself to NEVER share a child with a man, EVER again; men did not deserve children; men could not be trusted; men would hurt me and my daughter; men didn’t deserve to even be here! I hated men, really truly hated men. I had dated after my daughter’s father and I went our separate ways, yet I was always proven right. I got hurt, I saw less than desirable traits start to shine through, I kept picking ‘the wrong type of man’ and so I was proven right in my beliefs, I felt JUSTIFIED in my beliefs.

In 2012 I found an amazing personal growth academy. I managed to break through many of my negative beliefs and the things that weren’t working for me anymore and my life was forever changed. I met the man of my dreams in 2013 and married him in 2015 and decided that I would gladly share my future children with him. It wasn’t until early 2016 that I realised that I had not fully broken through that old and now hidden belief I had about men and children.

Let me set the scene for you. It was a Sunday night and had been a rather long day out in our community and we were all tired. I told my daughter to get ready for bed and she took so long that it was 8.25pm by the time she came back out into the lounge room. My husband and I were watching a funny program on the T.V and he paused it when she came out and sat on the couch with me. I told her she could watch the show for five minutes and then it was off to bed as she was already very almost an hour late for bed! My husband however did not share the same idea.

Long story short she ends up in bed without the 5 minutes of show. This then ends up a discussion about our differences in parenting and my child and then IT happens, he brings out the line “She’ll never be mine anyway so what does it matter what I say…” oh damn!! I tell him “It’s not just her my love, any children we have I will see as mine” He said “Well I would call our children OURS” now this doesn’t sound too insidious, or nasty on the surface however it later occurred to me that it was a huge freaking signal that something was not right with my beliefs!!

It took a week or so for the enormity of what had happened to sink in and when it did it really shocked me. Here I was telling myself that this man deserved to have children and was a good man, but I wouldn’t share MY children with him… I was treating him like he was my ex-partner, unworthy of MY children, MY affections. It was all about ME rather than US. Because those old beliefs had resurfaced I had reverted to an older version of me, the version that had to survive, the version that knew men caused pain and misery. The version of me that had to protect children from men. That old belief I thought I had kicked out had never really left, it was just lurking in the basement… awwwww shit

I realised that he is not my ex-partner, no matter what my brain and old beliefs had tried to tell me. I also realised that the old belief was a current belief. I knew this because of my language and emotions. It dawned on me that if I really had vanquished this old belief then surely OUR children would be natural to fall from my lips not MY children and then an argument as to why I said MY and not OUR. I was rejecting, somewhat nastily, the concept of OUR in an effort to protect myself and any future children from hurt, pain and misery.

It was this realisation that turned on the light in the basement and allowed me to finally kick that old belief out for good and you know what? It felt good, it felt wonderful! Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I saw my husband in a new light. I knew that he really does deserve children that he is an amazing man and he will be the best dad to OUR children and I can’t wait to share our children with him and do this whole co-parenting thing with him. I knew that he would never hurt me or our children the way my daughter and I had been hurt before. I told him all this and he even thanked me, he told me how hurt he had been by my comments regarding MY children. Our relationship has been taken to the next level all because of a hidden belief that I thought I had dealt with.

So what hidden beliefs do you have that you thought you had dealt with long ago? What hidden beliefs might you have lurking in your basement? Watch your language and emotions and see if there are any clues…

Morgana xx